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-   Jokes/Humor (http://www.ramforumz.com/forumdisplay.php?f=125)
-   -   Heard a good joke? (http://www.ramforumz.com/showthread.php?t=36762)

BlueJet 09-25-2008 04:46 PM

Heard a good joke?
 
If you have a PG-13 rated joke, post it here!! Just remember people of all ages, race and religion are here so lets not get too nasty, ok?

Here is one I stole from DaveDees:

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.

You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore ....

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' - She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'

8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN..'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has ' SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.

10. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE'

Please use your best judgment when referring to these people while making it more comfortable for the rest of us.

BlueJet 09-25-2008 04:49 PM

The Third Husband
 
The third husband

A woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color are you looking for?'

The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the
wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'

'Well, replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I
can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or
not; despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'

'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.

'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'

300 Addict 09-25-2008 05:12 PM

LOL! I've read the first one before and it remains funny! :D
Never saw the second one. That was great! :D
Thanks for sharing Stacy! :)

BlueJet 09-25-2008 05:13 PM

Well yeah you have seen the first one cuz I stole it from Dave!!;)

300 Addict 09-25-2008 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueJet (Post 38541)
Well yeah you have seen the first one cuz I stole it from Dave!!;)

LOL! I know! :D
Great idea on the joke thread! Great addition to the forumz!

Is it me, or are you surpassing me in posts:wow:

BlueJet 09-25-2008 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 300 Addict (Post 38542)
LOL! I know! :D
Great idea on the joke thread! Great addition to the forumz!

Is it me, or are you surpassing me in posts:wow:

I learned from the master himself!!!:gy:

DaveDees 09-25-2008 06:47 PM

Stacy, it wasn't mine to begin with, I stole it from another site. LOL Feel free to use it anytime.

BlueJet 09-25-2008 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaveDees (Post 38551)
Stacy, it wasn't mine to begin with, I stole it from another site. LOL Feel free to use it anytime.

That's the great thing about the Forumz family, we can recycle!!! LOL

07HEMI 09-25-2008 08:52 PM

LOL funny stuff

300 Addict 09-25-2008 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlueJet (Post 38545)
I learned from the master himself!!!:gy:

Hey, you guys and gals make it impossible not to post! What an amazing bunch here at the Z! (Sorry for the thread jack)

Back to the Jokes! Keep 'em comin! :)


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