Oh man, your selling everything.
Ok here it is, The mob is still pissed that you ran out on them after that thing with lefty. (they just don't understand that you don't like right brained people and stooge jabbing him in the eye eveytime you saw him was your way of keeping him away from you).
The issue with the ex wife having sex change surgery I can understand running out on that, especially since she repeatedly hits on your girlfriend saying "Mine is bigger".
Your dog getting run over by the cat grooming truck also I can see why that hurts.
The back tax issue because your friend, who happens to be the town tax collector, running out with your tax money since you trusted her by paying cash and she said "I'll drop the reciept by later" and you agreed. Then you find out shes the reason for your wifes sex change operation, she had been cheating with her for a year. So theres more money to the ex.
Then you find out that Obama has planned on moving in next door if he does not get re-elected and that really is the topper on your move out of the country cake.
But, really man, moving to Canada is NOT the answer.
J/K really, hope your sale goes good.