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  #1  
Old 11-13-2010, 03:15 PM
RootBeer RootBeer is offline
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Default Keeping Busy in Retirement is Important

Here are some ideas to keep retirees occupied.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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  #2  
Old 11-13-2010, 03:46 PM
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LMAO Root Beer same goes here retire 6 yrs ago love playing with people's minds. Funny thing is we get paid to do these things........
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Old 11-13-2010, 05:42 PM
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LOL Brian, I've seen that one but it's still funny!!!

- Cajun
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  #4  
Old 11-15-2010, 04:31 PM
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must be one of the best ones ive seen so far brilliant brian
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Old 11-15-2010, 05:40 PM
Race1Mopar Race1Mopar is offline
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That's great!!
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:38 AM
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Please, please tell me I don't have to retire first before I can have that kind of fun!
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:43 AM
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LOL....and I think Brian has tried at least 14 of the 15 items. He hasn't been able to do #1. They locked up the condoms.
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Old 11-19-2010, 12:45 AM
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Nery funny stuff... Gotta try some of those ...NOT Retired 24 years now..If I'd had know how easy it was ? I'd of done it earlier..
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