DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum

Go Back   DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum > Dodge Ram Forum - Off Topic > Off Topic Discussion > Jokes/Humor


Notices


Latest Vendor News
AutoAnything
Addictive Desert Designs!
United Radio
Bayou Goat Mounts

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #101  
Old 11-19-2008, 02:33 PM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 7
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Default Heaven or Hell?

God is going through the list of recent deaths and notices there should have been a Air Conditioning Engineer arrived yesterday.
He asks St.Peter if he knows where he is? St.Peter says he has no idea.
God decides to go down to Hell to see if he is there. When he arrives he notices how cool it is and all the people there are drinking iced drinks. God sees the devil sitting in a lawn chair sipping a drink.
God "Have you got the Air Condirionig Engineer down here? He was supposed to be in Heaven"
Devil "Maybe!"
God "Well bring him here and I will take him with me!"
Devil "No!"
God "Bring him here right now or I will sue you!"
Devil (with evil smirk on his lips) " And where are you going to find a lawyer?"
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
  #102  
Old 11-20-2008, 04:33 PM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 35
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 10
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default Words Women Use

Please pay attention men ...

Words Women Use:
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine".
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Last edited by LYC79; 11-20-2008 at 04:47 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #103  
Old 11-20-2008, 05:23 PM
BlueJet's Avatar
BlueJet BlueJet is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Joplin, MO
Posts: 56,694
Gender: Female
Vehicle: 2007 Dodge Nitro
Trim Level: SLT
Color: Electric Blue
Rep Power: 42
Rep:3944
BlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post
Please pay attention men ...

Words Women Use:
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine".
4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.
OMG!!! This is so true!! Licia, quit giving away our secrets!!! LOL
__________________



Like what you see? Support this fine site!

Go here for great how-to's and make sure you know the rules!

Make sure you show off your Ram by posting pics in the GALLERY!!

L.O.B.

Reply With Quote
  #104  
Old 11-21-2008, 02:29 PM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 7
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Default Happy Thanksgiving!

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.



He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'



The boy replied, 'What turkey?'



The game warden said, 'The turkey you're carrying under your arm.'?



The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'



The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.



If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'



The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
  #105  
Old 11-21-2008, 03:37 PM
MeanGirl's Avatar
MeanGirl MeanGirl is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southeast Texas
Age: 44
Posts: 922
Gender: Female
Vehicle: Nitro
Trim Level: SLT
Color: the only color-BLACK!
Rep Power: 0
Rep:32
MeanGirl is on a distinguished road
Default

rotflmao!!!!!!!!!!
Reply With Quote
  #106  
Old 11-22-2008, 07:34 AM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 7
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Default The Knob!

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new
procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top
of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and
produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the
effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems.
'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've
had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But
now I've developed two annoying problems:
First, I have these terrible bags
under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags,
those are your breasts.'



She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the
goatee.'...............
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
  #107  
Old 11-22-2008, 04:52 PM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 7
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Talking Which Airline!

A man is sitting in an airport, when a particularly beutiful Air Stewardess sits down opposite and starts to read a magazine.
He decides on a way to try and get to know her by repeating the Airlines Slogans to find out which Airline she works for!
Continental "Work Hard, Fly Right!"
She looks up gives him a casual glance, then returns to her magazine.
Northwest "Some People Just Know How To Fly!"
She looks up again, glares at him, then returns to her magazine.
Virgin "No Ordinary Airline!"
She slams her Magazine down and says,
"What the F*ck do you want?"
He says..............."Ah, Jet Blue!"
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
  #108  
Old 11-23-2008, 05:21 PM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 35
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 10
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

This guy went to work without realising he did not Zip his trousers. His secretary noticed and said to him "You did not Close the garage." The guy did not understand so he went to call his wife and asked if the garage door was closed. His wife said “of course honey, the garage door is closed." The guy went to his secretary and told her that his wife said the garage door was closed. The lady realised that he did not understand her. So she moved a little closer and said, "I mean you did not zip your trousers". The guy said, "ok" and went to his office and zipped his trousers. When he came back he said to his secretary" "When the garage was open, did did you see my Mercedes Benz?" The lady said, "No, only a Mini-Cooper with two flat tyres".
Reply With Quote
  #109  
Old 11-23-2008, 05:30 PM
BlueJet's Avatar
BlueJet BlueJet is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Joplin, MO
Posts: 56,694
Gender: Female
Vehicle: 2007 Dodge Nitro
Trim Level: SLT
Color: Electric Blue
Rep Power: 42
Rep:3944
BlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post
This guy went to work without realising he did not Zip his trousers. His secretary noticed and said to him "You did not Close the garage." The guy did not understand so he went to call his wife and asked if the garage door was closed. His wife said “of course honey, the garage door is closed." The guy went to his secretary and told her that his wife said the garage door was closed. The lady realised that he did not understand her. So she moved a little closer and said, "I mean you did not zip your trousers". The guy said, "ok" and went to his office and zipped his trousers. When he came back he said to his secretary" "When the garage was open, did did you see my Mercedes Benz?" The lady said, "No, only a Mini-Cooper with two flat tyres".
That was a funny one!!!! A Mini Cooper.......
__________________



Like what you see? Support this fine site!

Go here for great how-to's and make sure you know the rules!

Make sure you show off your Ram by posting pics in the GALLERY!!

L.O.B.

Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old 11-23-2008, 07:09 PM
DaveDees's Avatar
DaveDees DaveDees is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Chesapeake, VA
Age: 62
Posts: 541
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2010 Jeep Patriot
Trim Level: Latitude
Color: Brilliant Black
Engine: 2003-2008 345ci (5.7L) Hemi V8 345hp 375lb/ft
Rep Power: 0
Rep:40
DaveDees is on a distinguished road
Default

Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers
and a future congressman."
__________________


All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


Advertisement






All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:21 AM.


= Copyright RamForumZ.com a Gigathreads.com Network Site =Ad Management by RedTyger
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vB.Sponsors


=Gigathreads Network=
CLUBS MOPAR NATION DSM GPMM MAMM JAM
DIESEL Diesel Forum      
CHEVY Chevy Camaro Forum Chevy Volt Forum    
CHRYSLER Chrysler 300C Forum      
DODGE Dodge Avenger Forum Dodge Caliber Forum Dodge Challenger Forum Dodge Charger Forum
  Dodge Circuit Forum Dodge Hornet Forum Dodge Magnum Forum Dodge Nitro Forum
  Dodge Ram Forum Dodge Dakota Forum Dodge Durango Forum Dodge Dart Forum
FORD Ford Raptor Forum Ford F150 Forum Ford F100 Forum  
JEEP Jeep Forum      
PONTIAC Pontiac G8 Forum      
SRT SRT Viper Forum SRT Cuda Forum