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  #181  
Old 12-27-2008, 08:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RLRambler View Post
An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the Casino and bet Twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men._________________________
All Men are Men,.......... hhhhmmm.....

YOU'RE right.............
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  #182  
Old 12-28-2008, 08:27 AM
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LMAO Les !!!


A woman and her lover are in the house while the husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes in, and after seeing them making love he hides in the wardrobe and watches them. All of a sudden the husband comes. Wife hides her lover in the wardrobe, without knowing that her son is in there.
Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer ball.
- That's nice.
- Do you want to buy it?
- No, thanks.
- My dad is outside.
- Ok, how much?
- 250 dollars.
After a few weeks man and boy run into each other again in the wardrobe.
Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer cleats.
Remembering what happened last time, man asks:
- How much?
- 750 dollars.
- Ok.
After few days, father says to his son:
- Lets go and play soccer.
- I can't, I sold the ball and the cleats.
- How much did you get?
- 1000 dollars.
- That is terrible, how could you ask so much money.... that's much more than they are worth. That's a sin, so you should go to the church and confess.
Father takes his son to the church confessional. Boy gets in, closes the door and says:
- It's dark here.
Priest:
- Don't start with that shit again!!!
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  #183  
Old 12-28-2008, 03:03 PM
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I asked Sants Claus for a Hummer with loads of Chrome..............................He sent me a Crack Whore with Braces!
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If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

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  #184  
Old 12-28-2008, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RLRambler View Post
I asked Sants Claus for a Hummer with loads of Chrome..............................He sent me a Crack Whore with Braces!
Oh that was naughty!!!
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  #185  
Old 12-28-2008, 03:50 PM
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.........And I cleaned it up!
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  #186  
Old 12-28-2008, 03:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RLRambler View Post
.........And I cleaned it up!
LMAO!!!! You kill me!!
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  #187  
Old 12-28-2008, 11:15 PM
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smart salesman
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -
"Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again -
"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?

Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -
"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"
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  #188  
Old 12-29-2008, 04:02 AM
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Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'
The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'
The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'
Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'
The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'
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  #189  
Old 12-29-2008, 04:53 PM
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LYC79 LYC79 is offline
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George had a medical problem that had plagued him since childhood. Over and over he developed infections that kept him from completing school terms, made him unable to keep jobs, and totally prevented his having a successful relationship with girls. He was a runt, insecure, and with very low self-esteem.
He had been sent to just about every medical center for evaluation, but no explanation could be found. His white blood cells were normal. His serum immunoglobulins were normal by all standard tests. He baffled infectious disease experts from coast to coast. Finally he was referred to the NIH and spent three months undergoing hundreds of tests still in experimental status, dissecting his immune system in ways never before attempted.
Finally the research team concluded that he had a one of a kind immunoglobulin deficiency that was not detected by quantitative tests because it was a defective immunoglobulin in normal levels.. It looked okay, but didn’t function as it should. They gave him transfusions of immunoglobulins in fresh frozen plasma, and he was miraculously better. Weekly transfusions, and he resumed normal development and a normal life.
However, the weekly transfusions began to cramp his lifestyle, so he went back to the NIH to see what other options he had. After several conferences, the research team concluded that the level of the deficient immunoglobulin in mother’s milk was sufficient to maintain an adequate level in George’s bloodstream if he consumed just 4 ounces a day of fresh mother’s milk. That seemed l ike an unobtainable cure at first, but George learned of a woman in his neighborhood that was nursing her third child.
He talked her into collecting 4 ounces of her breast milk for him every day, and he would stop by her house every morning, get the milk she had saved in her refrigerator, and drink it before he went to work. It worked as predicted, and he thought his problem was solved.
However, after several months he stopped by her house on the way to work, and she said she hadn’t collected the milk. She had had a horrible night, her husband was out of town, and the two older children had kept her up all night. She said he should come back after work. George was very apprehensive about changing a routine that worked, but what choice did he have?
When he came by after work she looked more harried than she had in the morning. She was still in her housecoat, the house was a wreck, and the kids were screaming and fighting eac h other. She told him she still hadn’t collected the milk and he’d have to come back tomorrow. George panicked. He told her he was desperate, that he was helpless without her milk, and she thought he was about to cry. Very irritated, she invited him in. She put the kids in their room, closed the door to muffle the noise they were making and took George to her bedroom where her clothes were strewn around and the bed unmade.
Pulling George down on the bed with her, she opened her robe and told George to nurse, which he did with enthusiasm. As she lay there with George’s head cradled in her arm she noticed that he had developed into a handsome man. She began to feel more relaxed and the noise of the kids fighting in their room faded away. George had nursed a long time, and she began stroking his hair and massaging his neck.
Finally she said, “George, is there anything else you’d like to have?” George looked into her face, fresh milk dripping down his chin and her breast, and said, “Would you happen to have any chocolate chip cookies?”
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  #190  
Old 12-29-2008, 09:09 PM
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have i heard a "good joke" ..... yeah ..Blue thinkin she can go postal in my town now thats funny..but its also not a joke Blue Blue Blue nanner nanner nanner.....
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