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  #241  
Old 03-27-2009, 04:00 AM
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Default The Black Bra

... maybe a bit old but still funny

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my younger unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 30+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said.

"What's for dinner, Batman?"
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  #242  
Old 03-30-2009, 02:44 AM
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A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniel's every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"


"Thirty-four," she replied
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  #243  
Old 04-03-2009, 01:30 PM
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Default The Sunday quickie!

The only way for the Browns to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a lollypop and tell him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot.' he shouted.
'An Ambulance just drove by.'
'Looks like the Anderson's have company.' he continued.
'Matt's riding a new bike....'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving.'
'Jason is on his skate board....'

After a few moments he announced 'The Coopers are having sex !!'

Startled, his Mum and Dad shot up in bed !

Dad cautiously called out 'How do you know they are having sex ?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on HIS balcony with a lollipop.'
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  #244  
Old 04-07-2009, 12:59 AM
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logannull logannull is offline
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post
... maybe a bit old but still funny

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my younger unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 30+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went:

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said.

"What's for dinner, Batman?"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow, that was honestly funnier than i expected.
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  #245  
Old 04-08-2009, 09:07 AM
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Default Why friends are necessary!


Last edited by LYC79; 04-08-2009 at 09:10 AM.
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  #246  
Old 04-13-2009, 02:31 PM
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Default Man riding a bike

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty and was leaving his mission in the jungle, where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, 'Tree.'
The Priest is pleased with the response.. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, 'This is a rock..' Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, 'Rock.'
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a
rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, 'Man riding a bike.'
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, 'My bike.'

Enjoy your day and remember to keep off the roads when riding
someone else's bicycle!!!
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  #247  
Old 04-13-2009, 03:39 PM
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Default

That was funny sis!!!
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  #248  
Old 04-13-2009, 07:31 PM
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Default Getting Old!

I have an important message about getting old!










Shit.........................I forgot what it was!
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Last edited by RLRambler; 04-14-2009 at 12:42 PM.
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  #249  
Old 04-13-2009, 08:54 PM
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Default

how many men does it take to change a kitchen light bulb?



none let her cook in the dark

don't jump on me, my wife told me that one
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  #250  
Old 04-14-2009, 02:43 AM
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by guttermonkey1 View Post
how many men does it take to change a kitchen light bulb?



none let her cook in the dark

don't jump on me, my wife told me that one
LMAO!!!


THE GOLFING NUN


A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even cursed today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green....and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid flight."

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you curse, Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.

'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the damn putt, didn't you?"
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