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  #161  
Old 12-15-2008, 12:12 AM
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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
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  #162  
Old 12-15-2008, 05:33 AM
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Who is your real friend?

This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

...
...
...

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?


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  #163  
Old 12-15-2008, 10:00 AM
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If all is not lost, where is it?

The Dog
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  #164  
Old 12-16-2008, 03:26 AM
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Default *Good Old Days*


Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"
...
...
...
Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... They got those video cameras everywhere you look."
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  #165  
Old 12-17-2008, 09:47 AM
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A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend to spella Mississippi
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  #166  
Old 12-18-2008, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertDog View Post
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend to spella Mississippi

AhAhAh ... I've already heard this one but it still funny !!!


Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "i thought i told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, i tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, i didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, i didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' i couldn't keep quiet any more!"

Last edited by LYC79; 12-18-2008 at 10:24 AM.
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  #167  
Old 12-19-2008, 12:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post

AhAhAh ... I've already heard this one but it still funny !!!


Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "i thought i told you to be quiet!" Jerry says, "Hey, i tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, i didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, i didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' i couldn't keep quiet any more!"


awsome LYC79 hahahehehahahehehahahehe
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  #168  
Old 12-19-2008, 05:33 PM
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Default Dirty minds...

This is kinda oldie... dunno if it was posted already... anyway here it goes.

A couple sleeps deeply in the middle of the night when suddenly a noise from downstairs awakes the lady...
- Sh*t! It's my husband coming.... hurry! get awayyyy!!!
The man barely dressed jumps off the bed and flees through the window... he almost falls down the balcony when suddenly turns to the lady...

- You so bitch! I AM your husband !!!


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  #169  
Old 12-19-2008, 07:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcelo View Post
This is kinda oldie... dunno if it was posted already... anyway here it goes.

A couple sleeps deeply in the middle of the night when suddenly a noise from downstairs awakes the lady...
- Sh*t! It's my husband coming.... hurry! get awayyyy!!!
The man barely dressed jumps off the bed and flees through the window... he almost falls down the balcony when suddenly turns to the lady...

- You so bitch! I AM your husband !!!


right on Marcelo
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  #170  
Old 12-22-2008, 12:47 AM
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After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Cleveland to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wassah de treepa?"

Luigi said, "Everytinga wassah perfecto except for da traina ride down."

"Whadda you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni."

Well, we boarda da train at Granna Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she packa bigga basket a food. She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were looking a forward to da trip. Everytinga wassah okey dokey until we getta hungry and open uppa da luncha basket. The conductore comma by, wagga hissa finger at us an say, "no eat in dissa car. Musta use a dining car." "So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a bigga luncha and start to open a bottle of nice vino! Conductore walka by again, waga hissa finger and say, "No drinka in dissa car. Musta use a club a car."

So, we go to club car. "While drinkin vino, I start to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he wagga hissa finger again and say, "No smokin in dissa car. Musta go to smokin car. We go to smokin car and I smoka my biga cigar." "Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boomada boomada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at da top of hissa voice, "Nofolka Virginia! Nofolka Virginia!" "Next time, Ima gonna takea da bus!"
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