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  #171  
Old 12-22-2008, 03:43 AM
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LYC79 LYC79 is offline
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Nice one DD !!!


Grandpa at the Mall

I took my grandpa to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he
is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was
watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in
all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My grandpa kept
staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my grandpa, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic
style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once, and had
sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
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  #172  
Old 12-22-2008, 04:04 AM
BlueJet BlueJet is offline
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Default A Wish..........

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly

the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,

"Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you

one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride

over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous

challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the

bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will

nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for

me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and

think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women;

I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me

the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's

wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a

Woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge? "
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  #173  
Old 12-22-2008, 07:51 AM
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ROFL ....
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  #174  
Old 12-23-2008, 05:34 AM
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One morning 3 alabama good old boys and 3 yankees were in a ticket line
at the birmingham train station heading to atlanta for a big football
game.

The 3 northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the 3 southerners
bought just one ticket among them.

"how are the 3 of you going to travel on one 1 ticket?" asked one of the
yankees.

"watch and learn" answered one of the boys from the south.

When the 6 travelers boarded the train, the 3 yankees sat down, but the
3 southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect
tickets.

He knocked on the bathroom door and said, "tickets please." the door
opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The
conductor took it and moved on.

The yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return
trip and save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the atlanta train station,
they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their
astonishment the 3 southerners didn't buy even 1 ticket.


"how are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the
perplexed yankees.

"watch and learn", answered one of the southern boys.

When they boarded the train the 3 northerners crammed themselves into a
bathroom and the 3 southerners crammed themselves into the other
bathroom across from it.


Shortly after the train began to move, one of the southerners left their
bathroom and walked quietly over to the yankee's bathroom. He knocked on
the door and said "ticket please".

There's just no way on god's green earth to explain how the yankees won
the war...
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  #175  
Old 12-23-2008, 09:16 AM
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well how come











no !


lmho realy LYC
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  #176  
Old 12-23-2008, 12:20 PM
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Thanks DD !



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  #177  
Old 12-23-2008, 12:37 PM
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Barbara Walters of 20/20 (USA-ABC Television) did a story on gender
> roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan
> conflict. She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind
> their husbands.
>
> She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk
> behind their husbands. From Ms. Walters's vantage point, despite the
> overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seemed to
> walk even further behind their husbands and to be perfectly happy to
> maintain the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani
> women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that
> you once tried so desperately to change?"

>
> The woman looked Ms. Walters's straight in the eyes and without
> hesitation said, "Land mines."
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  #178  
Old 12-26-2008, 04:25 PM
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Default No Gift This Year ...

One year, a particular harried husband
decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied:
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
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  #179  
Old 12-26-2008, 04:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post
One year, a particular harried husband
decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied:
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
That was horribly funny!!!!!
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  #180  
Old 12-27-2008, 05:09 AM
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Default Irish Blonde in Monte Carlo!

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived at the Casino and bet Twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men._________________________
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If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
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