DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum

Go Back   DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum > Dodge Ram Forum - Off Topic > Off Topic Discussion > Jokes/Humor


Notices


Latest Vendor News
AutoAnything
Addictive Desert Designs!
Bayou Goat Mounts

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #191  
Old 12-30-2008, 05:11 PM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 6
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Default Paddy.............Are you Drunk?????????

Two policemen sitting in their Policecar, just down the road from a bar, spot Paddy stumble out of the bar and climb into his truck and drive off.
They follow him down the road, when all of a sudden the truck veers to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. They manage to pull Paddy over and ask him to get out of his truck.
Policeman:"Paddy, have you been drinking?"
Paddy:"No Offisher, what ever makes you think that?"
Policeman: " We witnessed you veering all over the road. How do you explain that?"
Paddy:" It was those damned trees in the road, didn't you see them? First there was one on the right, then one on the left, then another on the right!"
Second Policeman (who has been looking into the truck):" You're nickedf Paddy.......There weren't any trees in the road.........................It was your Air Freshener!!!!!!
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored links
  #192  
Old 12-30-2008, 05:16 PM
RLRambler's Avatar
RLRambler RLRambler is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Raquette Lake NY
Age: 67
Posts: 1,333
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2008 1500 Ram Quad Cab 4x4
Trim Level: Big Horn
Color: Inferno Red
Engine: 2008-2008 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 6
Rep:114
RLRambler will become famous soon enoughRLRambler will become famous soon enough
Send a message via Yahoo to RLRambler Send a message via Skype™ to RLRambler
Default

A man was stopped by a Policeman for having a rear light not working. He walks up to the car and shines his flashlight into the face of the driver.
Policeman: " I stopped you because your lights are faulty. I also notice your eyes are bloodshot and bleery....................Have you been drinking sir?"
The driver reeches over and finds a flashlight that he shines into the Officers face.
Driver: "Your eyes look glazed Officer.......................Have you been eating donuts?"

His case goes to court next wednesday!
__________________
If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

Les.
Reply With Quote
  #193  
Old 12-31-2008, 03:07 PM
hh53helomech hh53helomech is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: albuquerque new mexico
Posts: 41
Gender: Not Specified
Vehicle: 2006 ram 1500
Trim Level: st
Color: inferno red
Rep Power: 0
Rep:27
hh53helomech is on a distinguished road
Default

The Reverend John Fluff was the Pastor in a small town in Ireland.

One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.

The Reverend wasn't happy!

He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

"Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation.

Why don't you let me take you home?" "Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth.

The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her.

When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor.

After rolling around for a few Moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fluff."

The landlord nodded and said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as well finish.
Reply With Quote
  #194  
Old 01-02-2009, 02:01 PM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 34
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 9
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife and charges at you.

You are carrying a 40 Cal Glock, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?


Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away? What does ! my wife think? What about the kids?

What does the law say about this situation?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.


Republican's Answer:

BANG!


Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.. ... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hydra-shock hollow points?

Son: Can I shoot the next one!

Wife: You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist!
Reply With Quote
  #195  
Old 01-04-2009, 02:05 PM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 34
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 9
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

The little boy came into the bathroom while his mother was taking a shower. He asked, "Mommy what's that between your legs?"
She told him that was her squirrel. Later that day he was in the bathroom again while grandma was taking a shower and he asked, "Grandma what's that between your legs?"
She replied, "That's my squirrel."
The little boy said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as grey as yours." Grandma replied, "Well, your mommy's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"
Reply With Quote
  #196  
Old 01-05-2009, 04:00 AM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 34
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 9
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

One day during class the teacher asked,
'Did you know that Human Beings are the only animals that stutter?'

A little girl raises her hand.

'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' said the little girl.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss'
and before he could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate him!

__________________________________________________ ___________

A vampire bat arrives back at the roost with his face, mouth and teeth all covered in blood.
The other bats are very excited and ask where he'd been.
"Follow me", he said.
Off they flew, over the hills, over the river and into the deep dark forest.
"See that tree over there . . . ?" he asked.
"Yes", they all replied.
"Well I f...... didn't!"


Reply With Quote
  #197  
Old 01-05-2009, 04:17 AM
BlueJet's Avatar
BlueJet BlueJet is offline
Administrator


 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Joplin, MO
Posts: 55,911
Gender: Female
Vehicle: 2007 Dodge Nitro
Trim Level: SLT
Color: Electric Blue
Rep Power: 41
Rep:3930
BlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond reputeBlueJet has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LYC79 View Post
The little boy came into the bathroom while his mother was taking a shower. He asked, "Mommy what's that between your legs?"
She told him that was her squirrel. Later that day he was in the bathroom again while grandma was taking a shower and he asked, "Grandma what's that between your legs?"
She replied, "That's my squirrel."
The little boy said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as grey as yours." Grandma replied, "Well, your mommy's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"
EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
__________________



Like what you see? Support this fine site!

Go here for great how-to's and make sure you know the rules!

Make sure you show off your Ram by posting pics in the GALLERY!!

L.O.B.

Reply With Quote
  #198  
Old 01-07-2009, 06:41 AM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 34
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 9
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

A crusty old biker was on a ride in the country.

He walked into a roadside bar and saw a sign

hanging over the bar which read:

BEER: $1.00

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50

HAND JOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment,

he walked up to the bar and beckoned to the

exceptionally attractive female bartender.

"Yes?" she inquired with a knowing smile,

"May I help you?"

"I was just wondering," whispered the old biker,

"if you are the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes, I am," she purred.

The old biker replied, "Well, go wash your hands,

I want a cheeseburger and a beer!"
Reply With Quote
  #199  
Old 01-13-2009, 05:44 AM
LYC79's Avatar
LYC79 LYC79 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: ITALY
Age: 34
Posts: 6,615
Gender: Female
Vehicle: '08 Caliber & '09 Nitro
Trim Level: SXT CRD 2.0 / 2.8
Color: Stone White / Brilliant Black
Rep Power: 9
Rep:426
LYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really niceLYC79 is just really nice
Default

Do You Know Why?









Do you know why, When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker, And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees, And he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?










It's Because she smells like a new truck.

Reply With Quote
  #200  
Old 01-13-2009, 10:45 AM
hemidiz's Avatar
hemidiz hemidiz is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
Age: 42
Posts: 64
Gender: Female
Vehicle: 2009 Dodge Ram 1500
Trim Level: XLT
Color: off-white
Engine: 2009-2010 345ci (5.7L) Hemi V8 390hp 407lb/ft
Rep Power: 0
Rep:15
hemidiz is on a distinguished road
Talking Why you never question a drunk

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb can of coffee
& 1 lb package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right! I am single, but how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


Advertisement






All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:08 AM.


= Copyright RamForumZ.com a Gigathreads.com Network Site =Ad Management by RedTyger
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vB.Sponsors


=Gigathreads Network=
CLUBS MOPAR NATION DSM GPMM MAMM JAM
DIESEL Diesel Forum      
CHEVY Chevy Camaro Forum Chevy Volt Forum    
CHRYSLER Chrysler 300C Forum      
DODGE Dodge Avenger Forum Dodge Caliber Forum Dodge Challenger Forum Dodge Charger Forum
  Dodge Circuit Forum Dodge Hornet Forum Dodge Magnum Forum Dodge Nitro Forum
  Dodge Ram Forum Dodge Dakota Forum Dodge Durango Forum Dodge Dart Forum
FORD Ford Raptor Forum Ford F150 Forum Ford F100 Forum  
JEEP Jeep Forum      
PONTIAC Pontiac G8 Forum      
SRT SRT Viper Forum SRT Cuda Forum