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  #21  
Old 10-29-2008, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueJet View Post
Courtesy of the 300cZ:

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O. K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its little nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
LOL! That was a good one!

Did you see the 300 Addict version on talkshit.com? http://www.talkshit.com/showthread.php?t=494 .. lol! *******'s
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  #22  
Old 10-29-2008, 10:12 PM
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Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Lutheran
Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across
the road. They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the
ground, that read:


*'Da End is Near! Turn You se'f Around Now! Before It's
Too Late!'*


As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, 'You
religious nuts!'


From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash...Boudreaux
turns to Thibodaux and a'ks, 'Do ya think maybe DA sign should jus say
'Bridge Out'?'
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  #23  
Old 10-29-2008, 10:15 PM
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An old Texan went to the local church and asked to join. The preacher
said, 'OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first.'

The first Question is 'Where was Jesus born?'

The man answered, 'Longview.'

The preacher said. 'Sorry...you can't join our church.'

Soooooo....he went to another church and asked to join. The preacher
said, 'We would love to have you, but you have to pass a Bible test
first.

Where was Jesus born?'

The man said. 'Tyler.'

The preacher said, 'Sorry...you can't join our church.'

Soooo....he goes to another church and asks, to join.

The preacher said, 'That's great; we welcome you with open arms.'

The man said, 'I don't have to pass no Bible test first?' The
preacher said, 'No.'

The man said, 'Can I ask you a question?'

The preacher said, 'Sure.'

The man said, 'Where was Jesus born?'

The preacher said, 'Palestine.'

The man mumbled to himself, 'I knew it was in East Texas somewhere.'
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  #24  
Old 10-30-2008, 01:47 AM
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Out for a good time for the night, Matt and Luke realize they only have $2 between them. Bummed, they sit down. Then Matt looks up and sees a sign on the bar across the street proclaiming "$2 Dogs & Beer!"

As they proceed to argue who would get the one beer they could afford, Luke says "Dude! Lets not get a beer, lets get a hot dog! We can take the meat, sit in a bar, drink a few beers till they demand us to pay, then I can shove the hot dog through my zipper. At that point you suck on it, they'll think we're gay and kick us out before they even think about getting us to pay!"

Matt decides this is a brilliant idea, so they proceed with this plan, ordering shots and beers at five bars until, thoroughly smashed, Matt says "My kneesh are shtarting to hurt, why don't you give me the hot dog and you shuck on it next time?"

"I don't think thats a good idea. You see, I lost the hot dog three bars back..."
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  #25  
Old 10-30-2008, 06:31 PM
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A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies:

"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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  #26  
Old 10-30-2008, 11:12 PM
peshields peshields is offline
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R
O
F
L
I love it!
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  #27  
Old 11-05-2008, 02:42 PM
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Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.
Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum.
Suzie asked, "You wanna play doctor?"
Johnny replied, "NO, that too old fashioned.
Spit out you gum, I wanna play president."
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  #28  
Old 11-05-2008, 02:50 PM
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"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
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  #29  
Old 11-06-2008, 07:21 AM
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wow that is all i can say to that one
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  #30  
Old 11-06-2008, 10:22 AM
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come on MRD, you know that was funny!!!
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