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  #321  
Old 12-31-2009, 03:24 PM
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Default crusty old biker

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.
She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

Yes? she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, may I help you?
The ole biker leans over the bar, I was wondering young lady, he whispers, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs, Why yes, yes, I sure am.
The ole biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger.

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  #322  
Old 01-10-2010, 06:15 AM
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Default

Paddy had the following password at work

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin.

When his boss asked why he had such a long password he replied
'Bejazus! are ye stupid? I was told me password had to be at
least 8 characters long & include one capital'
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  #323  
Old 01-12-2010, 03:31 PM
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Default Beware of this scam!

Hey I Just got scammed outta $25!

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My favorite 18 holes".



Turns out it's about golf.



Pass this on so others don't get scammed too.
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  #324  
Old 01-12-2010, 09:29 PM
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ROTFLMAO!!! Funny stuff there! ^^^^

- Cajun
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  #325  
Old 01-13-2010, 10:37 AM
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Q: What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

A: You can unscrew a light bulb!
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  #326  
Old 01-14-2010, 11:05 PM
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Default Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation, "There is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "We've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners...."




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  #327  
Old 01-17-2010, 08:21 AM
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Default

Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stopped at 3 Ho's
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  #328  
Old 01-18-2010, 06:52 AM
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LMAO @ Cd, good one there man!

- Cajun
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  #329  
Old 01-20-2010, 05:03 AM
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Default The Fishing Trip

Dave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, Dave had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.

The following week when Dave's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?" "I didn't have to," Dave replied.
"Last week when I left our meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'." "When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom and tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'......SO HERE I AM!"
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  #330  
Old 01-20-2010, 01:33 PM
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My ex-wife was sooooooooo fat, I climbed on top of her in bed one night...................And burnt my ass on the light bulb!

My ex-wife was soooooooooo fat, she got knocked down by an 18 wheeler. I shouted at the driver"Didn't you see her?"
He said "Yes.........................But I didn't have enough diesel to go round her!"

My ex-wife was soooooooooooooooooooo fat, she went swimming in the North sea off England one day.................................The norwegian Whaling Fleet set sail!
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Last edited by RLRambler; 01-20-2010 at 01:38 PM.
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