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  #81  
Old 11-15-2008, 07:28 PM
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Default Don't you just love blonds?

A man entered the bus with both of his pants pockets full
of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls'.
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look
at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After a couple of minutes, not being able to
contain her curiosity any longer, she asked:

'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'
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If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

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Last edited by RLRambler; 11-15-2008 at 07:36 PM.
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  #82  
Old 11-15-2008, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RLRambler View Post
A man entered the bus with both of his pants pockets full
of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls'.
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look
at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After a couple of minutes, not being able to
contain her curiosity any longer, she asked:

'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'
That one made me laugh out loud!!! That is funny!!!
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  #83  
Old 11-15-2008, 10:44 PM
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both very funny and Elle has a great charm about her....lol
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  #84  
Old 11-16-2008, 04:54 PM
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Default Through a childs eyes!

A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunch time. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly,

'Gee, she's fat!'

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced;

'I'll bet her butt is this wide !'

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy...
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line. Just then, her pager began to emit a beep, beep, beep

The little boy yells out,








'Quick ! Out of the way..... she's reversing !'
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If I knew then what I know now.................I would still have done it..........But enjoyed it more!

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  #85  
Old 11-16-2008, 08:57 PM
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lol....that is just wrong....lol
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  #86  
Old 11-17-2008, 05:03 AM
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Default Mentally stable

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom, pulled
Jim out and brought him to his room. When the hospital director became
aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be
discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be
mentally stable. She went to Edna and said, 'I have some good news and
some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because
you responded so rationally to a crisis. By jumping in the pool to
save the life of another patient, you displayed sound mindedness. The
bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself. I put
him there to dry. How soon can I go home?
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  #87  
Old 11-17-2008, 12:30 PM
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Default

A farmer named Seamus had a car accident.
In court, the Truck company's fancy hot shot lawyer was questioning Seamus. 'Didn't you say, to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?' asked the solicitor.

Seamus responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Bessie, into the...'
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Seamus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road....'

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move.

However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Cop on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Then the Cop came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now what the F*ck would you say?'
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  #88  
Old 11-17-2008, 12:42 PM
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OMG!!!! I just shot water out my nose.....lol
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  #89  
Old 11-17-2008, 05:03 PM
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Default

This was really funny!!! ... I've traslated it for my boyfriend and he's still laughing ...

Ok my turn ... Italian's and their broken english

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:

'Emma come-a-first. Den I come. Den two asses come-a-together. I come
once-a-more! Two asses, they come-a-together gain. I come again and
pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this anymore, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,'
she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in
public places about our sex lives.'

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who's-a-talkin abouta sex? I'm
a justa tellinn' my frienda how to spell-a Mississippi'

Last edited by LYC79; 11-17-2008 at 05:09 PM.
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  #90  
Old 11-17-2008, 05:09 PM
BlueJet BlueJet is offline
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That was a good one!!! LMAO
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