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  #1  
Old 10-02-2009, 06:48 PM
CdnoilRAM's Avatar
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Default Calgary road rules...thought it was funny

NEW CALGARY RULES OF THE ROAD:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the name correctly -- it is:
'CAL-GREE'. The second 'A' is redundant.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends on Saturday night.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On Deerfoot, you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Calgary now has
its own version of traffic rules. For example, trucks with the
loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the
biggest tires go second. However, Calgary, SUV-driving, cell phone-
talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense
that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Calgary . . .
Detour barrels are moved around each night to make the next day's
driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and more
new construction starts everyday.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats, deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded
tires, garbage, squirrels, rabbits, crows, ladders, and coyotes feeding on any
of these items.

9. In Calgary: 16th Avenue, TransCanada, and 'Hwy #1' are all the
same road; And Deerfoot Trail, HWY #2, and Queen Elizabeth Highway are the same as well.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
activated.'

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 kph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
accordingly. If you return the flip, you will be shot.

12. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque,
fur lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food,
candles and blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city
streets is virtually non-existent until the spring thaw.

13. The speed limit during the winter is raised from summer driving by 20 kph to allow for the 4x4 community to take advantage of their increased breaking ability on sheets of ice once resembling paved roads, and should you drive, slide, skid, roll, or otherwise carreen off the road, you must do so in a manner that does not inconvenience any other drivers who may be speeding past.
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  #2  
Old 10-02-2009, 07:30 PM
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lmao ya lost me at redundant, that is funny stuff, Never been to Calgreee but I stayed a week at Brampton Ontario taking an elevator installation class lol
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:28 PM
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Never been to "Cal-gree," either, however I did enjoy Montreal, though, but that is just too funny, LMAO ! Love the one about the seemingly never ending construction, and they must be trying to make my drive in the states interesting, had to take a different route to work almost everyday for months, now I know why, lol! I just figured, if there are always construction barrels and cones, and the occasional road work crew, then at least the taxpayers would think something is getting done, lol! Funny post!

- Cajun
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:41 PM
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Default

Almost sounds like California!!!
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  #5  
Old 10-02-2009, 09:48 PM
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that was good....
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:03 PM
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Pretty good there CdnoilRam .
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:53 PM
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LMFAO I love it, and sadly it's so true!!! Us Calgary boys know how to run the roads lmfao
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Old 10-03-2009, 05:56 AM
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Also we need to add one part, I know i do it....when we are racing the airplanes I start humming Top Gun Theme lol
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GhostRiderCGY View Post
Also we need to add one part, I know i do it....when we are racing the airplanes I start humming Top Gun Theme lol
LMAO too funny almost made me choke on my coffee lmao
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Old 02-22-2010, 12:32 AM
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Lol great post!!
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