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  #1  
Old 11-09-2010, 07:00 PM
RootBeer RootBeer is offline
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Default Differences Between North and South Explained

The difference between the North & the South - clearly explained ....At last

The North has Bloomingdale's; the South has Dollar General.
The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
Gee, that sounds familiar!!!!!
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.
The North has green salads; the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . . In the South:
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners... After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

To use the ultimate southern term of affection -- BLESS YOUR HEART !! You can say ANYTHING about a person as long as you say BLESS THEIR HEART AT THE END OF IT --
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  #2  
Old 11-10-2010, 10:32 PM
City Slicker City Slicker is offline
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Nice post, RB!!
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Old 11-10-2010, 10:55 PM
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haha aww man i love this. cant wait to get back to the south. im loosing my accent a little bit each day.
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:22 PM
gomango0042 gomango0042 is offline
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jus cus u loost it don meen u aint one.
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Old 11-12-2010, 01:32 AM
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LMAO, I love it Brian.
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Old 11-12-2010, 07:09 AM
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I can see some truth in this. I moved from Michigan to south florida, so I missed the south and ended in a parallel dimension. However I then moved up to Gainesville and I'm almost in the south now. Southern edge of the south perhaps.

One of my bosses, a Ph.D. whom runs a major research unit a the University of Florida, is a true southerner (spend most of his life in south carolina and georgia). He likes to tell me on a regular basis that in the south the four major food groups are Salt, Grease, Sugar, and Alcohol. These groups can apparently be subdivided such that certain foods qualify as vegitables, and certain vegetables can qualify as food if prepared properly. For example, I've learned that chocolate is a brown vegetable, and crisco and lard are white vegetables. Collard green qualify as food, provided they are prepared with the correct application of salt and grease (preferably bacon). He also recently sent a department wide e-mail informing us of an upcoming, manditory, safety training day to be held off site. He signed the e-mail with, "Sign up early so we know how many chickens to butcher". I replied that I would be in attendance and please butcher a chicken in my honor.
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Old 11-12-2010, 07:19 AM
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Lies! All lies! I did not have my own shotgun at the age of 10 (it was a Remington .22 bolt action rifle), and my mom taught me how to shoot with a .38 special (I wish I was lying...)

But she did learn me how to pop right the center of the "O" on a Lysol can from about 60 feet away.
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Old 11-12-2010, 07:51 AM
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Northern fairytale starts with "Once upon a time...."
Southern fairytale strats with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this...."
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  #9  
Old 11-12-2010, 12:43 PM
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ROTFL!!!! Good one, Brian!
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Old 11-12-2010, 10:08 PM
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Good one Brian .
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