DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum

Go Back   DODGE RAM FORUM - Ram Forums and Owners Club! - Dodge Truck Forum > Dodge Ram Forum - Off Topic > Off Topic Discussion > Jokes/Humor


Notices


Latest Vendor News
AutoAnything
Addictive Desert Designs!
United Radio
Bayou Goat Mounts

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 01-10-2011, 10:39 PM
BigSwede's Avatar
BigSwede BigSwede is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Balmer, MD
Age: 40
Posts: 420
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2011 Ram Sport Crew Cab
Trim Level: Sport
Color: Brilliant Black
Engine: 2009-???? 345ci (5.7L) Hemi V8 390hp 407lb/ft
Rep Power: 4
Rep:371
BigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really nice
Default Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8, 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment ! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry d--n Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch " It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling .

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
__________________
-Frank
Reply With Quote
Sponsored links
  #2  
Old 01-10-2011, 10:44 PM
iRESQu iRESQu is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!

 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 11,547
Gender: Female
Rep Power: 14
Rep:2217
iRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond reputeiRESQu has a reputation beyond repute
Default

I have seen this one before but dear GOD is it funny! Thanks for the smiles and laughs!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-10-2011, 10:59 PM
BigSwede's Avatar
BigSwede BigSwede is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Balmer, MD
Age: 40
Posts: 420
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2011 Ram Sport Crew Cab
Trim Level: Sport
Color: Brilliant Black
Engine: 2009-???? 345ci (5.7L) Hemi V8 390hp 407lb/ft
Rep Power: 4
Rep:371
BigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really niceBigSwede is just really nice
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iRESQu View Post
I have seen this one before but dear GOD is it funny! Thanks for the smiles and laughs!
That was my winter last winter
__________________
-Frank
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-10-2011, 11:06 PM
RootBeer RootBeer is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!

 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Boise, ID
Age: 57
Posts: 7,179
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2011 Chevy 3500HD
Rep Power: 10
Rep:1287
RootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud ofRootBeer has much to be proud of
Default

That was great, thanks.
__________________
Brian:
"A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard, or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his or her life, wrote a blank check made payable to The 'United States of America', for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-10-2011, 11:14 PM
five0addiction's Avatar
five0addiction five0addiction is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: scotia ny
Age: 25
Posts: 935
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2011 dodge ram slt
Trim Level: slt
Color: bright white
Engine: 2008-???? 287ci (4.7L) PowerTech V8 310hp 330lb/ft
Rep Power: 4
Rep:306
five0addiction is a jewel in the roughfive0addiction is a jewel in the roughfive0addiction is a jewel in the roughfive0addiction is a jewel in the rough
Default

hahahahahaha
__________________

MARTIN...THE YOUNG GUN
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01-10-2011, 11:16 PM
erm
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

ROTFL!!! Good one!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01-10-2011, 11:18 PM
CdnoilRAM's Avatar
CdnoilRAM CdnoilRAM is offline
I push the skinny pedal


 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Calgary, AB, CA
Age: 31
Posts: 17,229
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2009 Blown 349 Hemi
Trim Level: Sport - Modified
Color: Brilliant Black/Snake Skin Green
Engine: 2009-2012 345ci (5.7L) Hemi V8 390hp 407lb/ft
Rep Power: 20
Rep:3277
CdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond reputeCdnoilRAM has a reputation beyond repute
Default

LMAO, new to me but OH so apt! Granted, we had the cleanest driveway when we were in ontario, my dad needed to keep warm when he went out for a smoke.
__________________
Sponsored by Bully's Performance
Green Mamba '09 Ram 1500 QCRB 4x4 Sport - dropped, blown, and bottle fed
Kurtis
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-10-2011, 11:39 PM
Chili1K's Avatar
Chili1K Chili1K is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,536
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2010 Ram Crewcab 1500
Trim Level: TRX4
Color: Email: Chili1k@att.net
Rep Power: 7
Rep:1092
Chili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud ofChili1K has much to be proud of
Default

read before.. still funny!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 01-11-2011, 12:53 AM
UN4GTBL's Avatar
UN4GTBL UN4GTBL is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 458
Gender: Male
Vehicle: 2007 Dodge Caliber
Trim Level: SXT
Color: Silver
Rep Power: 0
Rep:41
UN4GTBL is on a distinguished road
Default

bwahahahahaha!

Perfect
__________________
2007 Dodge Caliber SXT - 1.8L I4 & 5-Speed Manual
2011 Dodge Grand Caravan SXT Plus - 3.6L V6 & 6-Speed Auto


Wanting a new Ram...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 01-11-2011, 01:10 AM
Toms Blue Ram 1500's Avatar
Toms Blue Ram 1500 Toms Blue Ram 1500 is offline
Dodge Ram Forum Senior Member!
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Dundalk , Md .
Age: 50
Posts: 21,491
Gender: Male
Vehicle: '01 Ram 1500
Trim Level: Sport with Off-Road
Color: Intense Blue
Engine: 1998-2001 360ci (5.9L) Magnum V8 245hp(standard), 250hp(Sport package)
Rep Power: 19
Rep:1588
Toms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant futureToms Blue Ram 1500 has a brilliant future
Default

Awesome . Thats why I bought a snow blower . Looks pretty , but no one wants to help shovel though . Now that I have a snow blower everybody wants to be my friend , including the a**hole neighbors who have a problem saying high when their outside .
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


Advertisement






All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:52 AM.


= Copyright RamForumZ.com a Gigathreads.com Network Site =Ad Management by RedTyger
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
vB.Sponsors


=Gigathreads Network=
CLUBS MOPAR NATION DSM GPMM MAMM JAM
DIESEL Diesel Forum      
CHEVY Chevy Camaro Forum Chevy Volt Forum    
CHRYSLER Chrysler 300C Forum      
DODGE Dodge Avenger Forum Dodge Caliber Forum Dodge Challenger Forum Dodge Charger Forum
  Dodge Circuit Forum Dodge Hornet Forum Dodge Magnum Forum Dodge Nitro Forum
  Dodge Ram Forum Dodge Dakota Forum Dodge Durango Forum Dodge Dart Forum
FORD Ford Raptor Forum Ford F150 Forum Ford F100 Forum  
JEEP Jeep Forum      
PONTIAC Pontiac G8 Forum      
SRT SRT Viper Forum SRT Cuda Forum