Right lol? Hi, I'm new here and I want you guys to tell me whats wrong with my truck but I'm not gonna tell you anything about it :hah:
Is the battery up to snuff? Try unhooking it for a minute, see if that resets everything. Get the battery tested, it may seem fine and even display 12v but if you have dead cells it'll never supply enough consistently. These things are very sensitive to voltage (newer ones are even worse).
Do you have head lights, radio, any lights at all? Any indications on the dash when you turn the key on? Check for dirty battery terminals (dirty terminals will cause the starter not to crank or even click, but can still light lights and turn on the radio). Check the starter fuse/relay in the fuse box. Will it start with a jump?